The good, the bad and the bitching!

I know I complain a bit about work – it is mainly because I am the kind of person who just gets too personally involved with everything and takes it on themselves. But one thing I ALWAYS loved about work was the environment we have here. Great staff, great boss, and generally, great work. But its falling to absolute shit.

There are still SOME great staff, and the work when you can get people organised is enjoyable, but my boss has been turning into an asshole and today has just solidified it.

I have holidays coming up – i KNOW it. I’ve been working my butt off – or TRYING – to get the magazine organised and having no luck because my BOSS wont do any work. So with all this stuff thats happened with Ben I worked real hard yesterday to try and get people organised and yet again, I got nowhere.

So anyway, Ben called before and the hospital is going to try and fit his surgery in tomorrow (try is not the greatest word, but at least its something), so my boss came back from his morning of coffees with “clients” (aka the people he drinks with) and I told him what was going on and I got a “this really isnt good timing” (I FUCKING KNOW THAT! When would be a good time for this to happen?) And then suggested that I drop him off at the hospital and then when the surgery is done, he can call me. I just looked at him and said, I dont think so and he asked me why not, I said because he will be in pain and you know, just had surgery.

So he told me would think about whether or not I could have the day off.

The first thing I did was call Ben and cry, because thats what I do when I get mad. And Ben said he can ask his mum or someone, which isnt the point. Because i SHOULD be allowed to do this, regardless of whether it means I have to have 2 days extra off before my holiday, because the people in your life are so much more important than work, especially a work place that obviously doesnt give a shit about you.

Im just so mad that after 3 and a half years with a company, something like surgery on my partner is considered not worthy of time off.

SO. FUCK THIS SHIT. The job hunting recommences. I know bad economic time and all that stuff, but why would I stick around in a place where I am payed so low, not appreciated and treated badly? Everything I loved about this place is gone, and so I hope by next year, I will too.

So, this was a fun weekend… really.

We were meant to have people over Sunday afternoon so I spent all Saturday cooking and cleaning for that. As a result I didnt go watch any of Ben’s cricket for the first time this season. So he called me at 7, after the game. He had a little injury, in that the ball hit him in the finger when he tried to catch it after bowling it, and missed. It was just bruised and sore, he assured me. So I went back to what I was doing quickly so I could go join him down at the club. I got down there at 9 and holy hell, his finger was huge.

He swore he was fine! I was a little dubious. By 10 he was in a heap of pain so we left. But he wouldnt let me take him to the hospital, so we went home, and relaxed for a bit. In the morning he was in so much pain he couldnt get out of bed because he had gotten this massive headache. it was of course not at all related to the finger, nope!!

So I cancelled lunch (he felt so bad about that!!) and spent ages trying to get him out of bed, eventually we did and off we went to his doctor, who got it xrayed, took one look at it and told us to go to the hospital.

Off we went to emergency, only had to wait a half hour in a room full of people (I wonder what on earth they were there for) and couldnt help but laugh as the emergency doc looked in despair at the xray of Bens finger (not the biggest confidence boost). He sat next to us and just kind of sighed, saying he would have to try to get the dislocation in before anything else, so we were taken to a bed, Ben got a needle, and they tried to put his finger back. The next xray showed that it was unsuccessful and so he got referred to the plastics department at another hospital and we were sent away saying in the next day or two someone will call us for an appointment.

Overall the service was pretty good – my only beef was that when the nurse asked how he was feeling, I said he was in a lot of pain and she walked off!

Ben was in a bit of pain so we had to go up to the chemist and get the strongest pain medication we could get, but it did nothing.

Monday morning he got a call saying he had an appointment later that day, so I left work, and off we went to another hospital. The end result – hes having surgery on his finger at some stage this week. He needs to get a screw put in it most likely and will  need psyio afterwards to get it moving properly.

Im slightly concerned because being a public hospital they wouldnt answer questions really about his chances of playing sport again or recovery time, they just kept saying he will be fine shortly after the surgery and is ok to go on our holiday next week. But they also kept saying “hopefully” and mentioned they didnt know when he could go back to work (he needs the finger to write and drive, two things he does all day!)

We have quite a few questions, but mostly we just want to know when the surgery is scheduled for so we can organise ourselves! But its public and no doubt he will get told the day before. Im just stressed – I want my boy healthy and happy again! Hes been pretty good and positive through this, but he wont admit when he is in pain for the most part. I just want to give him a big cuddle!

Thats how I feel lately. Because of our trip to Port Douglas I needed a new swim suit. I dont even want to know what I look like in my old string bikini. eek.

I ended up getting my new bathers from myers – and I tried on the potentials in the lingere department change rooms. You know, the ones with the 360 degree view of just how bad you look in things. I settled on an electric blue pair that while they did nothing for my boobs (because theyre a simple tube style) they were the best on my butt. There was a pair that was better on my boobs but made my ass look huge. Given that my ass is the bigger part of me I thought it was best to get the ones that complement it a little better.

So I went home wanting to starve myself until I had the body I had when I was 18. I wasnt even super skinny or toned back then, but my stomach certainly was a lot flatter and I never had the problems buying things like I do now. In all honesty, I know Im not that big. Im a size 10 on the top, 12 on the bottom (Australian sizes) but its everything being flabby, wobbly, cellulit-ey that is doing my head in.

I have officially gone on a diet. It is too late for this holiday, but I am hoping by the time summer is in full swing Ill at least have some flab gone!

So what have I been eating? salad for lunch, salad with dinner, apples for snacks and avocado on toast for breakfast. That makes it seem like Ive been good right? Except – Im so damn hungry I have been craving chocolate like mad, the salad leaves me starving and I just want to eat and eat and eat.

The big problem I find with food is the more I think about it and try to change what I eat, the hungrier I get.

It also doesnt help that I have been insanely busy and have had little time to get to the gym like I planned. I managed to go yesterday because the dinner I was going to was pushed back to 7:30. And I rearranged my saturday so Ill go there in the morning before hitting the shops for bens pressie and then seeing my family.

Im also trying to convince myself that going to the gym when ben is at home waiting for me is OK. That way I can maybe fit in 4 sessions a week.

SO my new friend is Moo icecreams – they are low fat and sugars and all that junk, so I can still cheat but not feel so bad about it. And Im looking up salads that have a few more carbs in it, so pasta salad, potato salad, all that to fill me up more.

I hate to sound whiney. I know it could be a lot worse, but when you dont feel happy in your skin you just arent happy. Thats my goal – get to a place where I am just happy with me.

So I had a very nice realisation the other day. This time last year was the first time Ben and I met for our drinks. Technically it was the 21^st of October last year, but I marked it as I went out for my best friends birthday on Friday, had one night of single girl partying (which actually resulted in me dancing with the boys from my group while the girls went home!) and then Sunday morning I awoke to start my preening.

I remember being so nervous, I must have changed about a billion times, settling eventually on a summer dress in plaid that made me feel funky and girly at the same time.

He knocked on my door and I opened it to find this gorgeous, tanned, extremely tall man. That was pretty much all it took. We went to a pub and had a drink, then we walked to the beach and sat and chatted there for a bit. Time passed, we eventually got back in Bens car and drove back to my place.

We sat in the car for what felt like hours, and from there we had our first kiss. Which you can read about, here.

So much has happened since that first date, and who would have thought that a year on we would be living together very happily. I guess that’s what you always hope when you open the door to a new relationship!

Saturday night we went out to watch a band and we were sitting there being all cuddly (probably most likely to the disgust of everyone else) and he just leaned over and said that he is the luckiest guy ever and that I don’t realise how lucky he feels. Couldn’t you just melt?

Everytime I looked away he would lean over and plant a kiss on my cheek, and then Id smile and look at him and give him a kiss, then he would say something sweet, and Id look away again and the whole process would repeat itself.

It was very cute and while we definitely aren’t always like that, nights like that serve as a reminder of just how much I love that boy.

Our official 1 year anniversary is coming up and to celebrate we are having a yummy thai dinner at the place around the corner from us – its meant to be the best in Melbourne. Then we head off to Port Douglas

to stay here!

SO exciting! 

Warm Pasta Salad

Ingredients (serves 4)
2 teaspoons olive oil
500g lean pork sausages
1 1/2 cups small pasta shapes (such as shells)
5 green onions, thinly sliced
2 garlic cloves, crushed
250g cherry tomatoes, quartered
1 1/2 cups frozen peas
1/4 cup salt-reduced chicken stock
100g baby spinach
Method
Heat 1 teaspoon oil in a large, non-stick frying pan over medium heat. Add sausages. Cook, turning occasionally, for 12 to 15 minutes or until cooked through. Transfer to a board. Thinly slice. Set aside.
Meanwhile, cook pasta in a large saucepan of boiling, salted water, following packet directions until tender.
Heat remaining oil in a saucepan over medium heat. Add onions and garlic. Cook, stirring, for 2 to 3 minutes or until soft. Add tomatoes, peas and stock. Increase heat to medium-high. Cook for 2 minutes. Remove from heat.
Drain pasta and return to pan. Add sausages, onion mixture and spinach. Season with salt and pepper. Toss to combine. Serve. Whisk together 1/4 cup each of orange juice and Greek-style yoghurt together with 1 teaspoon dijon mustard for a delicious dressing for this salad.

From www.taste.com.au

Instead of the salad dressing they recommended, I used a honey mustard dressing because I just prefer it!

I had my doubts about this, but the boy loves his sausages, so I decided to give it a go. Surprisingly yummy!

I had people coming over for dinner on a wednesday night and I always serve dessert. But with no time I resorted to packet brownie. It doesnt look too appetising does it? I crumbled up some tim tams in the mixture and it was actually good! one of my guests said best brownie ever – I think he was lying perhaps! I know Ive made better! but they were moist and gooey so thats a good thing!

Avocado and potato salad

Ingredients (serves 6)
150g small green beans, trimmed
150g small butter beans, trimmed
800g kipfler potatoes, scrubbed
100g cubed bacon
2 avocados, halved, stones removed, peeled, sliced
1/3 cup whole-egg mayonnaise
1 large lime, rind finely grated, juiced
1/3 cup dill sprigs
Method
Bring a large saucepan of salted water to the boil over high heat. Add green beans and butter beans. Cook for 3 minutes or until bright green and tender. Using a slotted spoon, transfer to a colander and refresh under cold water. Pat dry with paper towel. Return water to the boil.
Add potatoes to saucepan and cook for 12 minutes or until just tender. Drain and set aside to cool slightly. Cut in half lengthways.
Cook Bacon on the frypan until lightly browned
Arrange beans, potatoes, pancetta and avocado on a platter. Combine mayonnaise, lime rind and 1 1/2 tablespoons lime juice in a bowl. Pour dressing over salad. Season with salt and pepper and sprinkle over dill.

From www.taste.com.au

I also added a little bit of grated cheese for taste. I love cheese

Now it looks kinda ick but it was real yummy – it says to serve it with fish but we had it on its own and it was pretty filling.

For the recipe head to http://www.exclusivelyfood.com.au/2006/06/lemon-meringue-pie-recipe.html

because it wont let me copy!

I obviously used a pre-made pie crust, i didnt have the time to make my own pastry!

There is my curd ready to go. First time pie makers – please note, when you follow the instructions and it starts to do its thing, you will freak out. The mixture starts to make this clag like substance slowly and you wonder what have I done wrong! Turns out, its right.

Into the oven it goes! Ignore my double dish!

Wala! Next time, Id make more meringue. If you like a high meringue, double the recipe!

I even made baby ones!

The result was apparently good. I can preface this by saying that my guests loved it. I however am not a lemon fan. IN fact, im kinda allergic to it so as I was eating it I just kept getting an icky taste in my mouth and I got a rash afterwards, but you know, you gotta try your own cooking! BUt everyone else gobbled theirs up!

When I was living in my sharehouse by the sea, everything was pretty good for a while. But one of the boys had to move out – thats fine. We replaced him with a quiet guy who kept to himself and was hardly there anyway. But then the other had to move out, and so we set about finding someone else to join us.

Enter Ross (Not his real name). In our interview with him he seemed like a nice guy who was up for the occasional drink and night out but had his own life. Settled, he moved in.

Living with him turned out to be a little different to what we thought it would be – for starters he was kind of clingy. Im a solitary kind of girl, Ill be social but once I’ve eaten dinner, if I really want to watch a tv show, Ill go into my room to watch it. But every time I’d leave the lounge I’d get “Where you going?” and “Are you coming back tonight?” Uhh. no.

But fine, whatever. Then I invited him out a few times and he was always WAY too excited to go places. “OMG I have actually been here before… wowwww this place is awesome” then he would start jumping around, and this would go on for ages. Seriously, settle down!

Then he threw out all my food because he was cleaning and only made a half assed offer to replace it -not cool!

But the real kicker came when I found myself single. I was going out one night and so was he, so I told him to meet up with us if he wanted to. It was around this time last year -we were out for a friends birthday and I was wearing a dress from my post-breakup shopping spree. I looked good – mainly because I had a happy glow. It was Friday night and I was meeting Ben for the first time on Sunday for a drink. I couldnt wait.

While the breakup was new as most people had just found out – housemate included – it was old news to me! It had been going for weeks and I was over it. So that night when my housemate left us in the bar, he said he would be around when I got home if I wanted to talk. Uhh. thanks dude.

Throughout the night I got a lot of texts from him – basically saying the same thing. I am unable to not reply to a text so I kept writing back – probably my biggest mistake! I left my friends around 2:30am and arrived home shortly after. I went into my room, chatted on the phone to Ben for a bit, changed into my PJs, and came back out to get some water. There was my housemate in the hallway. “So do you want to talk?” he asks. “Uhh.. I guess? Not much to say really”. We went into the lounge and sat on the couch and chatted about how I was in a good place and happy about my life going forward. “So, you think you are ready to move on?” he asked. “Yeah I am, definately.” I replied, thinking about Ben. Then it happened.

You might think it was an obvious thing to happen, but this was the furthest thing from my mind. He leaned in and kissed me. Not in a “give a little peck and see if she is receptive” way, but a “straight for the tongue” way. I pushed him off, made an excuse and went to bed, wishing I could lock the door.

You would think that would discourage most people right? You like a girl, kiss her, she runs away. Message is clear. Not with him. The next afternoon we ran into each other in the kitchen, “So, you going out tonight? Want to grab a drink?” he asks. “NO sorry, have plans.”

I left that night for nothing major and was home in bed by 11. I get a text “Hey babe, what ya up to? Come meet me.” Uhh when did I become his babe? I wrote back “sorry, in bed – got a big day tomorrow” He texts back “maybe Ill see you there later?” No response from me. Shit. Later that night he comes home making the worlds biggest ruckus to try and wake me up. It worked, Im awake. Im not coming out though!

The next morning Im getting ready for my drink with Ben and we run into each other again. He starts to hit on me, I ask him “So what happened to that girl you were seeing?” “I broke up with her yesterday. So you know, Im free.” “ohh… why did you do that, you said you really liked her. Anyway gotta go” And out I ran.

We all know about me seeing Ben that first time – sparks and everything. The rest there is history. The first few weeks of us dating arent though…

Every weekend he would come home and make loud noises to try and draw me out of my room. Each night I would be lying in there a little bit scared. Then he started to pace back and forth the 2 metres between his door and mine. it was an old house and I could hear every step. He was trying to see if I was awake and if I would come out.

One night Ben was in the city and so i called him, telling him to come over when he was done. I was scared of my housemate and his constant pacing and noise making. Ben came over not too long after and we snuck into my room. The housemate, having heard the door, started to do his pacing again. We sat on my bed in silence wondering, surely he knows Ive got a boy in here and yet he is still pacing?

The first time he met/saw Ben he greased us both off. As if I had cheated on him!

The stress of living with such a freak got to me. I was trying everything to turn him off and it wasnt working! I talked about Ben constantly, and I walked around the house in my ratty dressing gown, with no makeup on and my hair not done. I was not attractive, yet this guy wouldnt be persuaded!

So I moved out. After some bad experiences in share houses, they were done for me. And so off I went to the land of my very own studio, an experience that I think turned out even worse all things considered!

I sometimes hate that I have nothing much else to talk to apart from work. That said, I do work with so many crazy people that sometimes, even I after 3 years of random crazies I still get surprised.

With the economy the way it is, we can not longer afford the crazies. And hence, its house cleaning time.

Step one was trying to get the current staff to accept the changes that had to happen, to get more motivated and to start producing results. As a result, the one person that was aimed at quit. Seeya!

Step two was to pull the art director and her special brand of crazy into line. The boss told her yesterday that she needed to start performing and stop getting so freaked out and stressed out. And to you know, stop blaming other people for her mistakes. She came in early to work this morning… to quit.

Step three will be enacted today some stage. The 18 year old receptionist is getting fired. I don’t rejoice in anyone getting fired, however it is necessary for the good of the business. we can’t afford someone to sit around, not answer the phone, pretend to work on a spreadsheet all day and then give bitch face to everyone who dares enter the office. That said, I am totally worried about how she will react. My theory is that people learn their work ethic from their parents and if that theory is correct, her parents know exactly how to scam people for everything they’re worth and I’m not sure my boss is escaping this without an unfair dismissal claim. I hope I’m wrong.

This morning we also discovered that the lady from step one, who has been out of the company for 3 weeks, has put herself a profile up on one of those business networking sites… detailing our budgets, profits and a whole other sort of sensitive information. All written of course as if she were the one to do it all. Yeah sure you were. I also love she made a special note of how she trained me to do this and that. sure you did love, if you call sending me passive aggressive abusive notes training and threatening my promotion (which you didn’t give me) mentoring?

I’m hoping once the clean sweep has gone through the business we can all get back to being OK. The business can turn a profit again, we can all be happy again and the replacements (when they are eventually hired) might actually do their job!