The good, the bad and the bitching!

So after going on a hunt for pillows, I have officially given up. What i want, cannot be had. Everything at the moment is neutrals, blacks, whites, apple green. I wanted bright colours, that clash but complement each other at the same time. So i have decided to make my own pillows, and I have purchased the below from Etsy to do so!

I hope they look good when I get them together! Fingers crossed. My other plan for any materials that might not work, or give me leftovers, I am going to frame the material to tie it all in. I saw a great photo (that I cannot find anywhere!!!) of bright fabric framed in a cross stitch frame. I am thinking this might be a perfect solution, given that we rent and cannot put any hooks up, just those ones that cannot hold too much weight.

And this is where  I bought them from! Down Shadow Lane I havent got them yet so I cant say if its any good, will fill you in on it though.

So I am a psycho. It is true. I spoke to Ben about the messages and he was simply shocked that I was upset about it. He didn’t think the messages were flirty on her part, nor did he even know they were there until I asked who she was.

Just like I suspected, he just hasn’t deleted them because he never deletes any. But then I asked him “But you haven’t kept any of mine!” and so he looked through his phone and found a few that I had sent him ages ago. He tried explaining how as a boy he isn’t sentimental so he didn’t think not keeping messages was a big deal.  He didn’t believe that I keep all of mine, and I told him I have over 40 of his messages saved. He asked why, and I said well the “new” side of our love has passed. I love being able to look back and read the first time he sent me a message hinting that he loved me and knowing that date. Or the cute ones he sent before we started spending all our time together saying “bed just isn’t the same without you”. He is totally sweet and all that still, but they aren’t the same as the first ones he sent me, knowing how my heart would race and pulse with happiness when I read them.

He said he doesn’t need to keep text messages because he has me. And I think that is just the cutest thing ever. And reminds me of why I love him.

It was funny though (looking back) watching him and his mind, trying to work out why I was so upset. I can’t really explain it, it’s the first time Ive been PMSy in the entire time (10 months) we have been together. He just said he was lucky that it really doesn’t happen all that often. I agree.

Once again, all is good in our smug happy land. To think this is the only time we have had any kind of niggly thing in that time makes me think I am just a very lucky girl. He doesn’t do things that upset me or annoy me, hes just great. Hell, he even gets annoyed at himself when he snores because it wakes me up.

Im a BIG BIG BIG regina spektor fan and she has just collaborated with Ben Folds… its a really fun song!

Is it the weather? Maybe. This winter feels too damn long and so much colder than ever before. Or am I PMSy? Probably. But I am in the worst mood today and I don’t know how to snap out of it. Technically though, the bad mood started yesterday.

And before I even get into this, I know this is wrong of me. Don’t need to say it. But anyway, Ben was in the shower yesterday and there was nothing on TV so I was bored. So I picked up his phone and started flicking through the messages. (Let me just say, right from the start of our relationship I have read him his text messages, deleted messages when the phone was too full and he has done the same to my phone. Phones really aren’t an off limits place)

While most of them were just funny ones from his friends, and they were really old because Ben never deletes messages until he has absolutely no room, there was a few from a girl. From February this year. And they were flirty. From what I can gather she was the one who contacted him first and then the next one was a “I didn’t know you had a girl, now we can’t have any fun” kinda one. So I’m seeing red.

Then I noticed that he didn’t really have any messages from me. So I looked into his saved messages, thinking maybe he put them in there, and there was another one from this chick, pretty much stating her deep disappointment that they can’t “party” together now. And that one was dated later than the first ones she sent. Why did he keep this one?

It really upset me. Why hasn’t he kept any messages from me? Why is he keeping ones from this random girl who I have never even heard of? They don’t imply anything other than a bit of flirting and maybe he is keeping it as a flattery thing? I don’t know. I’m just hurt. I don’t know why I am, but I am. I am also super guilty about reading his phone, I wasn’t doing it to be a sneaky girlfriend who checks up on her guy (I never thought I would have to be that girl with him!) I was just bored!

Now I don’t know what to do. I was really quiet last night because I was upset and he started being all cuddly and cute because he realised something was wrong, and that made me feel worse because he is doing exactly what he knows I love in order to make me happy. That made me feel bad for doubting him in any way, because I know deep down that he is not like that.

I feel a little as if the happy bubble has burst, you know the first time in a relationship where you realise each others flaws, the first fight, the first time they make you cry. And while it always passes, it’s a horrible place to be in at the time. I’m fighting tears, in a bad mood and all because I don’t know what to do now. Do I confront him and be that crazy girlfriend who read her boyfriends phone, do I ignore it and hope these feelings go away, do I go somewhere in between? I don’t know! I just want today to be over.

This one goes out to the boys in NY. Now i KNOW we promised to send you jaffle irons… but well… I have no decent excuse. Apart from the 2 times I have gone to buy them, I have been confronted with this:

See this is NOT a proper jaffle maker. that line down the middle effectively cuts
the sandwiches in half, which means you cant actually make a tinned spaghetti one because it would just go everywhere!

What you need is:

That has no line down the middle! Therefore the 4 sides of the sandwich are sealed tightly, and you can pack as much in there as you want!

For those wondering what a jaffle is, well according to Wikipedia it is:

A sandwich toaster is an electrical appliance used to toast sandwiches. Ordinary kitchen units generally consist of indented hot plates, clamped together around the sandwich. Usually two sandwiches can be toasted at a time. The plates are heated by electrical coils inside the appliance. Usually the exterior is somewhat separate from these to ensure the outside of the unit does not get too hot. The plates often clamp tightly around the edge of the sandwich, sealing in the filling.

The appliance is known by various names around the world, including toasted sandwich maker or jaffle iron in Australia and South Africa, toastie maker in the United Kingdom and New Zealand {sometimes quixie iron or quicksie iron in New Zealand}.

Now when we went to NY me and Bee started to crave the jaffle bad. So we asked the NY boys where we could get one… and they had never heard of it. Sure theyve got toasted sandwiches, but they apparently dont have the american equivalent of a jaffle. Strange.

This sparked a running joke and in the end this is the result:

Ladies and gentlemen, the Jaffle Blues.

My baby made me a jaffle
Crisp and golden brown
She made the best jaffles
But now she ain’t around

(Chorus)
I got the Jaffle Blues
Jaffle Blues in the night
I want to make a jaffle
And I’m out of Vegemite

A man without a woman
Is something you might hate
But a man without a jaffle
Is like a trailer that won’t pull straight

(Repeat chorus)

People want to know
What the Jaffle Blues means
It’s when you want to make a jaffle
And you’re out of baked beans

I got the Jaffle Blues
Jaffle Blues in the night
If I don’t get a jaffle right now
Gonna jump in the Great Australian Bight

Thank you, thank you.

Poem is courtesy of the wonderful Ben who not only wrote us the jaffle blues but introduced us to the guac. mmm guac.

One of these days Ill come across the RIGHT jaffle maker and Ill ship you one over, and hopefully you wont blow yourselves up on our 240v!!

1. I Heart Sarah, 2. SWEETIE PIE, 3. Love Hurts!, 4. vw, 5. New Centerpiece: 3D Zach Braff Celebrity Mii, 6. finn getting schnockered, 7. Relax, 8. Frozen Hot Chocolate, 9. plugged love??, 10. Life, 11. 19/365- The Luckiest (explore!), 12. Enchantress

I think I have mentioned on here before about my friend at work who has gone through a divorce and started dating, and ultimately moving in with a guy she barely knows and how I was cynical about it all.

What I haven’t told you is the personality change she has been going through over the past few months. Gone is the person I have been friends with for 3 years and in her place is a princess-y cow. It doesn’t give me any pleasure to say that either, because she has made me feel like crap and doubt my ability to do my job.

The changes started up back in October as far as I can tell. Both of us, newly single, and me starting to date Ben. All of a sudden the chats we had went from being positive about the possibilities our life now holds, to her giving me lectures about never trusting men again and how they are all dogs and cheat and blah blah blah.

Then, all of a sudden she is dating 4 guys at once, meeting new boys everywhere and (the worst of all) starts hanging around some of our male clients out of hours and rumours start.

Then she met her current guy and all of a sudden its look how much money he is spending on me, does your boyfriend do that?

But it wasn’t just the little digs about how her life is better than mine, her work started slipping too. All of a sudden we were spending two weeks waiting around for her to sell ads for the magazine only to be harassed and blamed by her a week later over why we hadn’t finished the magazine yet.

And then, H and I got promotions, and we knew that she wouldn’t necessarily be happy about it. Because she sees anyone coming up in the ranks as a direct attack on her. She would send emails to us asking us to find a customers email for her, when she is the only one who has it, or an email trying to say we hadn’t done this or that, then she started leaving essential information out of her briefs on purpose it felt like, all so we couldn’t do what we had been asked to do.

She sent me an email saying “you were the one who wanted this promotion, so if you want to keep it you had better leave P (my editor) out of it.” tell me that doesn’t sound like a threat. And all I had done was have my editor, who is my real direct boss, write something for me because I was writing all the magazine articles.

So for the most part I forgave all these little insults at work, but then outside of work she started saying things like “We had better not be going to a dodgy pub” for after work drinks, and RSVPing to Ben’s 30th and telling H the night before she wasn’t going, but not bothering to message me until 1am – after the party was pretty much over.

But mostly, she has gone from being a really good friend, down to earth and fun to being someone who is stuck up, rude, and most of all wants to see her supposed friends fail.

It hasn’t just been me noticing it though. At work she used to be someone everyone looked up to, but now my editor (who never complains) was bagging her, the designers were complaining and worst of all – the boss actively sought me and H out to see how we felt about her.

We started off slowly, not telling him much, but when he started to say how frustrated he was and how he was thinking of firing her, we knew it was a bigger problem than even we thought.

So my boss drew up a new job description for her, asking us for what parts of her job she is best at, worst at, and what things she can do better. Well, he gave her that job description and she CRACKED it! she was demanding answers, how does she offend people, but wanting specific examples and it resulted in her storming out.

The next day she called me into her office and pretty much spat at me “I thought we were friends” I replied, “We are, but lately…” so I told her how she had been making me feel and while she says she never intended to hurt anyone, she says she actually can’t understand how any of that would offend me.

So we had this big talk where she blamed me for getting her into trouble, while I tried as nicely as I could to explain that actually I didn’t, anything my boss knows, he asked about, and that I wasn’t the only one offended by her, she really didn’t get it.

I’m wondering what happened to my friend, when did she turn into someone that can’t understand her actions of saying offensive things hurt people?

After our talk I told her we are back to square one, I’ll let her know when she isn’t being clear or says anything to piss me off. But she has to realise soon that this guy isn’t doing her any favours. All she is doing at work it seems like is demanding more money, more power, more this, and  us moving up has made her react in such a bad way, that I really don’t understand it.

Saw Death Cab for Cutie last night and WOW! Of the 3 bands we have seen recently, they were the best.

I was a tad worried going in that it was going to be a touch emo because they do have a slightly mellower, tad depressing side to them. But, everyone there was just really into the music. From what we saw there werent the usual posers who got dressed up to go watch a gig, and everyone just sat there and watched the concert, clapping and all that but nobody was talking throughout which was good.

It was great to see quite a few oldies there! I hope when Im older I will still go see all the bands I love.

Ben is a huge death cab fan, and it was so cute watching him! he was really excited because they played songs from all their albums and heaps of ones from his favourite album, so he was singing along under his breath and really enjoying it.

One of my favourite moments was when they sung I will follow you into the dark. Everyone was kind of singing along quietly so you could still hear him but you heard how much everyone else was enjoying it, and all in all, made for a great concert!

There it is. I have just advertised the damn thing and hopefully someone will buy it for a bargain price and it becomes their problem! OK Its really not that bad, just not at all comfortable for a 6″4 boy and a 5″7 girl to share.

Fingers crossed we get rid of the thing!

Since what I wrote yesterday about marriage and people not willing to change their minds over my old opinions, I have thought about it a little more.

On my way out of work yesterday someone commented that I’ve changed for the better since being with Ben, that they can see I am a lot happier and my confidence has just grown. Then she added “you used to say that you would never get married, but now you just know you will and I think that is great.”

I guess my beef isnt really about people expressing surprise over me changing my mind on this topic, its the way a certain friend or two  goes about it. This friend is an overly negative person who always sees the worst in EVERYTHING, and I have noticed myself avoiding her company for quite some time now.

But she always brings it up, and I realise I have every right to change my opinions, just some people wont come with me on them because they are the ones with the problem. I am happy with myself, I am happy with Ben, and screw those that want to bring me down