The good, the bad and the bitching!

These past two weeks have been some of the longest of my life! Ive been working an extra 20-30 hours a week, working on holidays and seeing as Ben is away this weekend, my friend at work and another friend and I all decided we would head to the beach this weekend.  I come into work this morning to being told that the boss wants us to cancel our trip. claiming he didnt know we were going and that we have to work – even though on TUESDAY we discussed that I had booked it! And he told my friend to get me to come and talk to HIM about this so that I volunteer to do it, and therefore he wont feel obliged to pay for the deposit im going to lose. so mad so so so so so mad. I havent been in to talk to him about it. I believe if he wants me to work this weekend, he should friggen ask me himself. because he hasnt paid me a cent overtime yet. and he hasnt thanked me once for all this extra work. and i dont believe i need to work this weekend because i have written the entire 160 fucking page magazine, as well as a fair chunk of our other magazine also. so just because he wnats us to come in and proof read, why cant we do it on the holiday??? SO MAD!  

So its halfway through Monday and I feel like I am just so snowed under I will never see the end of this magazine!! But im very slowly getting my head around it. And once i do… this will be done! I wish I had another day of weekend to enjoy… as it is I dont feel very relaxed from it! Saturday I went and watched ben play cricket for the grand final and they won – which was great. I took work with me and for like 3 or so hours I read about trucks and all that fun stuff. That night everyone went back to the cricket club and the boys got very drunk. I wasnt in the best mood… should have probably asked Ben more about what the plan was that night because I had thought it would involve hanging around there while they drink… then me going back to his, sleeping, and coming and picking him up when he was done. But in reality the plan was boys get drunk… sarah go home. That itself doesnt bother me – i dont want to hang around the cricket club all night… but I could have actually made some plans! I could have gone out with friends, gotten excited about a night of DVDS, whatever. But I Just went home and slept instead.So the end of season trip is coming up in a few weeks… Ill miss the boy, but its only 4 days. I can deal with that! I dont like the idea of the trip though… its making me paranoid!! I trust ben… but I don’t necessary trust his friends… I think its mostly not knowing what  goes on at these things and my own paranoid mind, but it sometimes drives me crazy. Im torn between locking myself in my room and doing nothing and going out partying! Sometimes I worry that Im killing independent sarah seeing as how I just like hanging around with him… Ive gone from having this shit relationship where I had to be by myself all the time and be my own person, to being someone in a great relationship where all I want to do is be with the boy.anyways… have a heap of stuff on my mind… I just dont feel great, but im sure its all the stress making everything worse. bah. 

So before my work day explodes into what will be the busiest 2 weeks of my year, I thought Id sneak on here! Why so busy? Well we are about to put out 2 of our biggest magazines ever (160 pages compared to a max of 112) to celebrate a show that we are holding in May. And if that wasnt bad enough, my editor is going overseas for the next 2 weeks. So basically, Im on my own to write, produce and edit this massive magazine. 

I wouldnt care too much… but it makes me mad because we wasted 2 weeks messing around while he avoided getting organised on this mag. So we are behind schedule, and I have to do it all! Our third writer has been off work for a month, and he comes back Monday but from experience in the past when things get tough, he doesnt produce. 

Oh and to top it off… my boss will most likely be making work all of this overtime for free. yeeeep. After the meeting yesterday when I realised just how much we had left to do, I said to my boss that I didn’t mind coming in on the 2 public holidays we have coming up and he is like “oh there was never any question about that” FINE. And then he joked about how hard he was going to make me work and how he will just have to lock me in the office and just bring me some food every few hours (like he did to a staff member the last time we had a show) and im like HA HA HA not. 

All through this, there has been no mention of overtime pay or anything like that. Which makes me mad because I know for a fact that the designers all get paid for the hours they do – they do a single hour of overtime they get that money. The rest of the staff though? Nah… sorry. Just this bullshit speech about putting in and meeting the challenge and blah blah blah blah blah!!

I really wouldn’t mind about the lack of overtime pay if I wasn’t making such shit money in the first place. And if I thought there was any chance I could get a pay rise this year.  Sometimes though, he can surprise you. So thats what Im hoping for… that the nice boss who is lost whenever he gets stressed comes back at some stage. And realises he has made me work a 70 hour week for no extra pay, on a wage that I JUST survive on. And then he gives me some money, or pays my flights to go on a holiday. FINGERS crossed. 

Time to get stuck into the pile of work!!  

Well I didn’t get that job… but at least they wrote me a personalised note to say I wasn’t successful. But its disappointing… mainly because I never realised how unhappy I was working here. How frustrated I get on a daily basis… how undervalued I feel. Knowing that I could write an entire issue of the magazine and not get any thanks or a good work… knowing that I have to fight my boss for every single article I get to write… knowing that Ill continue to do most of the editorial work and not get paid more than a receptionist.    I think this unhappiness stems back to october after my trip… since then I’ve done a lot of growing up, realised what I want out of life and what is important. And while Ive always said money isnt important and liking my job is, lack of money leads me to liking my job less.    I shouldn’t have to struggle week to week on this paycheck… I should have the option of buying new clothes once in a while without meaning I have to cut back on food. I should have had more than one payrise in the nearly 3 years I’ve been here!! I DONT WANT TO HAVE TO ASK. AND WHEN YOU MAKE ME ASK YOU, I SHOULDN’T BE MADE TO FEEL LIKE CRAP BECAUSE I ASK FOR WHAT I AM ENTITLED TO. I wish my boss wasn’t a tight ass and I wish like hell he didn’t waste his money on employing morons who get paid more than me yet I have to work twice as hard when they’re around to cover their mistakes.      And Im sorry for ranting… Im just a tad upset!Normal posts resume later.  

So… I just did something I haven’t done in about 2 years… I applied for a job. Its probably no surprise to those that know me that I’ve been bored for ages in my current role… Its not going anywhere, Im not getting paid anything, and Im bored. I play around online all day, because quite simply, if I have to do any work it will take me only half an hour to actually write the article now.  And my boss keeps hiring stupid people. Who make my life hard and work frustrating. When those people are not employed and the team is good, I don’t mind getting up for work. I quite like it! I know there will be some laughs in the day. But with these people… well work gets frustrating, people get mad and the whole day becomes one giant bitch session. The lack of challenge is another thing. My editor is content to let me do just what he doesn’t want to do. Which means I often have to write the harder articles and do more interviews, which would be fine. But if he managed me properly then I would do a mixture of supplied articles and interviewed articles, because I spent the majority of last week calling the same people trying to get interviews. When I asked him if there was anything I could actually write without interviews, he said he had already done them all. This means Im just bored once Ive called everyone! But apart from my quick job search this morning, I realised nothing was really out there. Until I thought, maybe I should check the body shop website… and there it was! A PR Coordinator position. I got so excited I updated my resume and cover letter and sent my application off. I dont think I have much of a chance of getting it because I dont have much PR experience, but I have wanted to return to the body shop ever since I had to leave it! I love that company… they have great training programs for all staff, great values and the head office has a cafeteria that is good value and delicious. $5 lasagne everyday, yes please.  So now  Im scared about what will happen if they call… if I actually get an interview… If I got this job… but Im even more scared that I wont get a chance to work for them again.  I dont know how I feel about actually leaving this place… but I am aware that it will have to happen eventually. I love the people I work with generally… but this boredom cant continue. I need a challenge or I jsut dont try.  The body shop would be a great challenge!!  

So I finally got sick of livejournal and have switched my blog over to here… I only transferred a select bunch of  my archives – just enough to fill in the basics, because most of its years and years of dribble!  I must say, its been a great way to waste a day at work. Now I know that sounds bad.. but I literally have nothing to do today! I made all my calls, read everything, wrote, printed, packed and sent 50 letters, and basically this entire week has felt like a big waiting game. But its a friday, before a long weekend, and Im just now killing time until I can get out of here!  2 of our staff members that are closed to getting fired left early today claiming to be sick. funny about that, seeing as its a long weekend on monday and both bosses are away.  After work today I plan to go get a wax – something i HATE doing, then Im off to see my boy! Woohoo  Anyways, thanks for reading!  

Last night was my very first pole dancing class! And i tell you I am SO SORE today!! Ive wanted to do the class for ages, and now that two girls from work want to do it too, we decided to sign up. They already did a trial class last week and had said how fun it was, so I thought Ill like it without doing a trial, and luckily i did! I was running late but thankfully they do close to 20 mins of warm up, so after that was all sorted, we learnt our first step, walking around the pole. yeeep! but its actually hard because you have to keep your legs straight but stick your hip out all sexily! But then, the real tricks started! the first trick we really learnt was to jump up on the pole, with the pole between your legs and your legs in front of you and how to slide down it. Its a painful trick – not only because it was so hot i was sticking to the pole, but because you jump up as high as you can and my upper body is not too strong. i also learnt im pretty much incapable of jumping up on 2 legs. i always jump off on one first! weird. After that we learnt how to swing around the pole, you take a step and then bring your back leg right around so you gain momentum and with two hands you twirl a 360. im a bit of a control freak so seeing as i felt like i was going to fall over, i started off badly with this, but I got there in the end! so with two tricks in hand, we start to learn our routine! I couldnt stop laughing, but it was a lot of fun, and Im sure if the boy could see it he would think im totally sexy doing it or maybe not… the final thing we learnt how to do was right at the end. you just kind of lean in to the pole, grip with both hands, put your legs up and slide down on your hands to land on your knees. im totally graceful (not) so looked like a major dag doing this. but even funnier was Ana because she had leggings on she couldnt grip the pole, so she keep sliding straight to the floor and saying ow each time! As much of a dick as i feel doing the class, everyone else probably feels the same. besides, who knows what new tricks ill learn to take home to the boy!! i will say however, strippers must be very fit!!

So another weekend down, another monday morning to try and endure! Weekend was pretty good – friday night we went to the footy but it was soooo cold. so much for summer!! Saturday I went to my parents house for a few hours and hung out, then went to watch my boy play cricket – he only batted for a few balls before their overs ran out but he hit two sixes and made a two… very proud!  Sat night we went and had dinner for our four month anniversary (oh yes!) and then we went to perrys bday party in the city. Was so tired though… we were home asleep by 1! Sunday I again went to my parents and my sis and I hung out and did some shopping that resulted in me buying: a new handbag, new shorts for pole dancing tonight! and a new hair straightener. Then i dropped my sis at chapel st, then came all the way back to dandy to see Lauren for a bit… then back to the cricket ground because the boys were playing all weekend. but they had already won by the time I got there and were in celebration mode.So the night was spent chatting to everyone and was pretty relaxed… except! EVERYONE kept asking us when we were going to move in together! seriously it must have been 4 people! Its only been 4 months! We havent even discussed when we might like to do that in the future, so it was a bit awkward! We just looked at each other every time and said well its only been 4 months and we will get there further down the track. Its like they all just want to marry us off which is kinda cute but uhh… perhaps a little too soon! Just a tad  One girl in particular, we ended up talking all about how ben and I met and basically it led to a discussion about how great he is and she told me about her now husband and the sweet things he does for her… he bought her a rose for every month they were together for the first 2 years and so bens like uhhh nooo dont tell her that!! but really, as i told him, i prefer tulips hehe PLUS I dont think things like that are important. Whats important really is how he treats me and makes me feel… like when we got home that night he was just being so cute. We were cuddling on the bed and he just looked at me and I think I melted. Four months in who thought it would still be possible to be melting like that! so despite everyone trying to domesticate us, what matters is Ive got this great guy who wants to be with me.

So my mum, as she likes to do, has been speaking to everyone under the sun about “my condition” and so last night I got a call. “I just spoke to your Aunty Jenny about this and turns out shes got IBS too. You need to go gluten free”. Right. So Ive started looking into this whole gluten free thing… and its probably going to blow my food budget wide open!! damn! But I guess I can replace my pastas and noodles, sauces and all that, and really Ill just concentrate on packing in as many vegies into my food as I can. But on the plus side, Im feeling better as each day goes on, so Im hoping this outbreak has passed, or that the medication is kicking in (despite the fact I forget to take it most meals…) I switched to a 5 meals a day thing yesterday and while its made me feel very hungry – i havent felt bloaty full yet. SO having fruit for brekky, a snack for morning tea, half the lunch i usually eat, cucumber and dip in the afternoon and a smallish dinner. I wonder how long I can keep all this up though… Im shockingly bad with diets and with preparing foods for lunch. in the mornings i prefer to just roll outta bed and get dressed. and sometimes the night before, well i can barely be fussed moving!! Im having very spiteful thoughts lately… Ive been thinking about how long Ive felt these symptoms and how long Ive ignored them and put up with pain… and I really just want to send an email to my ex telling him what an ass he is. For YEARS he made me feel bad every time my stomach felt sick… how when we lived together and there was the months that I wanted to throw up after every meal and how he told me to stop faking it and asking for his attention. I knew it wasnt all in my head and I kick myself for letting him put me through that pain and for thinking I was just a bad person for feeling sick… I never said that I was feeling sick so that he would pay me attention all the time… I said it because i was feeling sick! Having a medical diagnosis and having gone to the hospital for tests and all that… well I just want to rub it in his face. Because as I got sicker and sicker this time, I thought to myself well this is what I had last time and it was supposedly nothing so ill just ignore it. and I dont want to blow this all out of proportion. Most of the time, Im feeling great. just sometimes when I eat, i have sharp pains and they dont go away. but throughout all this i think i had maybe 3 or 4 days off work?? and one fo those days was really just me going home an hour earlier. I feel ready to start getting back into the gym now – and although I cant go tonight, I might run home and try and get to sleep real early and see if i can make it to the 6:15 class… BIG ask. but if i dont make it… ill do sat morning. AND Im starting pole dancing classes on monday! I missed the trial class but my friends LOVED it and are still sore, so itll be a great workout and hopefully a heap of fun. So on the weekend I must go buy some short shorts so that I can grip the pole with my legs… and new work clothes. im FREEZING here (its still summer. what gives) and need more shirts and jumpers that are appropriate for work! Anyways… got the last bit of work I was waiting on! back to it.